It is a cold, sleet filled night in December of aught three. My friend Reny and I are on the bus headed downtown on Central Park West to attend a party. Reny is going on at length about something or the other and I happen to look up as an older gentleman and his wife head down the aisle towards us as they exit. I immediately recognize the gentleman as John Lithgow. That’s right, John Lithgow.  Affair with Debra Winger in ‘Terms Of Endearment’, no-Kevin-Bacon-goofy-dancing-allowed preacher of “Footloose’, the ‘Trinity Killer’ of Dexter, John Lithgow. I start to elbow Reny who completely ignores the ever increasing force of my repeated gut jabs. Mr. Lithgow exits the bus and I say, “Reny look! It’s John Lithgow!” and Reny exclaims loudly, “Hey look, it IS John Lithgow! Taking the bus like any normal person!” We wave through the window like total dorks at John Lithgow and his wife, who are ever so kind and indulgent enough to wave back at us, – the two grown adult, born and bred New Yorkers, acting like sad little fan weenies – and then it happens, . . .

The bus driver, who should be watching the sleet covered road and NOT paying attention to passengers way in the back of the bus, PULLS THE BUS OVER. Right there, on the corner, somewhere in the West 50’s, in front of GOD and everyone. I. want. to die. I literally sink in my seat. I am mortified that I have brought a well known actor’s presence to the attention of everyone on the bus, including the city worker who cares not about road conditions or keeping to schedule. So uncool not New York of me. I look around wildly for a hole to crawl into that does not appear.

Thankfully John Lithgow is incredibly gracious and kindly reboards the bus to give ‘I’ll park my bus anywhere’ driver-man an autograph, and wave to passengers. As opposed to say, throwing a handful of stink bombs in our general direction and running like mad. Clearly Mr. Lithgow does not travel prepared.

The bus finally continues it’s route as Reny suffers through my red faced repeated wailing of, “I can’t believe he pulled the bus over!” all the way to our stop.

They’ll all think twice before taking a bus ride with me again.

We all love Britney. Don’t lie. You love her, and we know you love her. And why not? She’s got “The Britness”. She just does.

You do not have “The Britness”. Just stop.

I keep saying “I can’t stand Reality TV!”, and then I catch myself watching it. Second tier reality at that. ‘Hell’s Kitchen’, ‘Teen Mom’, ‘Wife Swap’, – it’s a sickness.

NOT ‘American Idol’. Never. That show is actually sick.

People that create incredible drama out of absolute nonsense are one of my bigger pet peeves. I have a million of them. Pet peeves that is.

‘Fight Club’ may just be the most awesome movie ever.

I do have a list and I tend to it carefully. You’re not getting away with anything, you’re not forgotten, I’m not putting it aside. Tremble and wait.

Puppies are love.

Watch the light change with dawn

Make strong, scorching, wonderful cup of tea

Gaze at slumbering Pit Bulls curled around one another

Listen to sweet puppy snores

Breathe

WHY is this not a federal holiday?! The shortsightedness is astounding.

“Oh my gosh we have got to cut that hair of yours.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“People are going to think your wife doesn’t take care of you!”

I don’t. But people don’t have to think it.

“What did you rent?”

“Um, . . . ‘The Book Of Eli’.”

“What’s that about again?”

“The world ends, and Denzel Washington does, . . . something.”

“Sounds good.”

Time flies, (at super speeds), and I often catch myself referring to things on the wrong timeline. “A couple of weeks ago . . .”, when in truth it’s been months, or, “Just the other day”, when in actuality it’s been weeks and weeks or quite possibly never happened. Who can say?  You can see how much fun I am to have a conversation with. Yep, no sense of time over here, or direction. Couldn’t guess North from West if I had a compass built in to the back of my hand. I do have a compass actually . . . somewhere. First I’d have to find it in order to find out which direction I was going and that’s a whole other thing.

My point? I promise you I do have a point here. This will be my way of remembering. Of recording the timeline. Let’s get started shall we?

Right now I’m waiting on a call back from my sister who just ran right out to buy Adobe photoshop for her site www.alejitas.com. It’s quite literally our ‘sister’ site! Bad joke, I know, but to me it’s incredibly funny! HA HA! Yes that’s what passes for humor in my corner of the world nowadays. Laugh with me dammit!