I am one of those lucky women that gets remarks from friends about her husband/marriage such as: “You seem so happy together!”, “Your husband cooks?! You’re so lucky!”, “Wow. I can’t get my husband to do anything around the house.”

It’s all true. We are very happy together, my husband does cook a few times a week, and he does his share of chores. No, he did not come out of a box that way, and our happiness does not require excessive amounts of alcohol. Our first months together as man and wife were a constant reassessment of our roles, with quite a few arguments and my fervent wishing for a maid thrown in for good measure. I learned quite a bit from that first year. Here is some of what works:

USE YOUR WORDS

Some of us tend to gripe, (aloud or under our breath), about what our husband has failed to do. ‘Oh sure, he’ll throw his socks on the floor meanwhile the hamper is two feet away!”, or “Why?! Why must you leave your socks on the floor!” Most popular is the passive aggressive storming around, banging things, while picking it up.

Yes it’s ridiculous and annoying, creates more work for you and so on. No it’s not a problem that can’t be handled.

A simple, casual request when he is in the vicinity of said socks, “Honey, could you grab those socks and toss them in the hamper?” can work wonders.

No, you shouldn’t have to, yes he should have done it in the first place, no you’re not his mother, and yes he’s a grown man.

The socks are in the hamper now right? RIGHT.

MIND YOUR MANNERS

I am constantly amazed at the many people who would never dream of speaking to a waiter, casual acquaintance, or garbage man without being most polite but don’t think to give their spouse a simple please or thank you.

Please and thank you go a LONG WAY with the one you see everyday and have chosen to spend your life with. As does, ‘I’m sorry’, ‘My mistake’, ‘Excuse me’, ‘Bless you’, and ‘You’re welcome’.

Seem simple? Sometimes simple works best.

ASSUME THE SALE

It’s a constantly repeated saying in sales and holds true in almost everything. Request, assume in the affirmative, move on with your life. Hence the please and thank you in the request. Like when you order a cup of coffee at Starbucks.

‘A Venti-latte please? Thanks.’

You know the barista is going to make your coffee, he knows he’s making it, you walk out happily sipping your Venti-Latte.

YUM!

LITTLE THINGS

You’re strolling through the mall/park/airport and see something your friend mentioned and of course you grab it for her. You know how happy she’ll be when you give her that hard to find book, DVD  release she’s been waiting for, or magazine with Orlando Bloom on the cover.

Next time you’re out and about and see something your hubby would like, – a Yankees baseball cap, the new Guitar Hero edition, a soft pretzel – grab it and give it.

He’ll love it. He’ll love that you thought of him. He’ll love to respond in kind. You’ll love your gift next time he’s out and about.

Who doesn’t love a little trinket?

COMPLIMENTARY MY DEAR

Compliments work wonders with everyone. Why save them for special occasions?

Sure it’s his ‘job’ to take out the garbage but a nice compliment – and a thank you – will go a long way to his being glad to take it out in the future.

More bees with honey. Get him to ‘buzz’ for you!

PUT YOURSELF – AND YOUR PARTNER – FIRST

It is NOT OK to answer the phone during dinner, or put off date night because of a friends break-up ‘emergency’, or skip sex because you have so much work to catch up on.

People start to grow apart when they assume their partner will always be there and allow everything else to come first. Your daily/weekly/monthly rituals are precious, private, bonding, and a buffer between the two of you and the rest of the world.

The break-up ‘emergency’? She will survive.

LAVISH ONE ANOTHER WITH AFFECTION

The daily grind gets to us all and we easily forget to pay special attention to each other. Holding hands while watching TV, reaching out to touch an arm as you pass one another in the hall, making sure to kiss before you leave the house, a good hug, calling just to say ‘I love you’, all things that brightens one’s day.

Turning the daily grind into the daily ‘love grab’ isn’t too shabby!

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS

We know you pack the dishes in the dishwasher the ‘right’ way. When you clean the bathroom you don’t forget to wipe the mirror. You make dinner and clean as you go, he makes dinner and it looks like the kitchen counter fought back.

You are a domestic goddess. Martha Stewart worships at your altar. Friends ask for your recipe for boiled water!

GET. A. GRIP. You have a wonderful husband who has just cleaned the bathroom/made dinner/put his dishes in the dishwasher without having to be told to do so.

Be appreciative. Be thankful. Be glad someone else just did dishes/dinner/the bathroom, leaving you the time to read this.

BE THE BIGGER PERSON

Your in-laws are not very nice. Your husband’s brother is a bum. His friends are oafs. His boss is a jerk.

That’s all been established. No one needs to hear about it repeatedly. They are awful and you are a bright light in the world spreading love, peace, harmony, and magic fairy dust, wherever you go.

DROP IT. They are not going to change and he is not going to get rid of them. Limit your time spent in their presence. Smile, be polite, be gone.

Feel superior, feel smug, feel like smacking them – but don’t  -, and remember that you have some motley members in your crew as well.

Feel how much happier you both are when you don’t waste time discussing any of them anymore.

REMINISCE

Every once in while it’s a good idea to take out the wedding album and remember the day you chose this person before GOD and all your loved ones to share your life with forever.

Remember your first date. How shy he was. How nervous you were. Your first kiss.

Remember your honeymoon or first vacation together.

Misty water colored memories of the way you were, (and hopefully still are now).